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“It makes them feel good to feel understood, to feel desired. You go home and have your vegetables, and you go to work and you have candy.” For some spouses -- more often women, Saltz says -- learning of an emotional affair can be worse than discovering sexual infidelity.

“Everybody understands a sexual act need not necessarily contain affection or intimacy. Whereas the emotional affair feels like it’s much more about being connected, about loving or liking.” These affairs can be hard to stop, Saltz says.

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But to give your marriage a chance, “you just have to end it. It’s too slippery a slope.” If it’s someone you can’t avoid, have a direct conversation. Your next step: Figure out what led you to make the connection with this other person, says psychologist Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph D, author of After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful.

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